Just typing an assertion so bold gives my hands the sensation they are filled with lead.  Of all days, sitting shirtless in tuxedo pants in a lawn chair watching people walk their dogs because it’s already 8 the next morning, this is when it comes.  My heart is as big as the sun.  Weddings can do funny things to people.

3 for 1 bitches

72 hours straight spent with best friends I’ve known since I was six.  Picking up the habit of saying bro all the time, but still a thousand times less than the guys in front of us at the tux fitting.  Chest bumps, moonwalks, faux hawks, “where can we get some charlie, bro?” talks, jocks.  Juxtaposed with five tall skinny stoner kids looking to get comfortable chairs to discuss literature, politics and fine cigars.  Now Blimpy’s got his pimp hat.  And an even pimper hat box.

A mere week ago I thought I had made a transition from city slicker to country boy, enjoying my solitude and smoked meats.  Now I return to the city again and amplify into a comic book character.  The house I’m staying at has 300 ounces of leftover hard alcohol after the caterers were sent out mid ceremony to get more gin and rum we clearly didn’t need.  Friends of friends I’ve never met say “oh, you’re RV guy!!” and I tell them I’ll be staying in the front yard until the free booze is gone.  It’s a fun first impression, I’ve always been told I’m terrible at them.

I understand Blimpy Backgammon now, he was born in Vancouver.  This post marks the one month anniversary of me going solo into the wide yonder.  Just now, I had to step on the tulip joint roach we rolled with packing tape a couple days ago to even remember that.  The posts in my head that will never be published are the ones I will remember forever.  This is the greatest idea ever, I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t do it.  Self-actualization my friends.

Party trauma

People who joked I was uprooting into Bessie to “find myself” I have angrily discounted for the last year and will continue to do so.  Everyone is defined in part by who they are, and the rest by their surroundings.  Take the same person, drastically alter their environment, they take on different characteristics.  When I pop out of the van I live in wearing cop shades, a pimp fedora and a Good Morning Vietnam t-shirt, it makes all the DMT and drinking a 60 of rum with a straw jokes just roll off the tongue.  I am acting, playing it up, but the lines start to blur.  It’s all possible.  Fucking all of it, I’m not talking about the sentences on this page.

So, back to the reality of this lovely city of Vancouver.  I’m going to go sailing.  I’m going to drink pisco sours and smoke Romeo y Julietas under my Chilean godparents grape vines.  I’m going to watch Ran at the Kirosawa film festival.  I’m going to shoot lightning bolts out my ass.

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